


It was quarter past two when I started feeling blue (The fire in my heart will burn me to the ground)

by s-kiz (pigalle)



Series: Supernatural shenanigans and vampire messes [4]
Category: Day6 (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Angst, Bang Chan-centric, Blood Drinking, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, References to Depression, Vampire Bang Chan, of original characters only referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23509927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigalle/pseuds/s-kiz
Summary: So it was a quarter past two in the middle of the night, and Chan hadn’t slept a wink when the feeling of jitter in his bone crept up on him. There was a headache building behind his temples, and he was suddenly not so sure the nausea from before was because of the blood.Or, how Chan became a vampire------This is a prequel to "A bloody mess" and can therefore be read as a stand-alone.(Check the tags or note for reason for rating and warning.)
Series: Supernatural shenanigans and vampire messes [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1363855
Kudos: 39
Collections: Hurt/Comfort Bingo - Round 10





	It was quarter past two when I started feeling blue (The fire in my heart will burn me to the ground)

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for the hc-bingo's april challenge, a cross-over, with the prompts loss of identity, depression, serial killers, and unconsciousness.
> 
> The violence is not written and described in details, but I decided to err on the side of caution with the rating and warnings. It is something that happens in the narrative of the story and not just referenced.
> 
> This is also (as I mentioned in the summary) a prequel to my fic "A bloody mess", and as a prequel you can read it without having read that fic. The current point that fic is at, however, makes this one minorly spoil it (but mostly only if you want the suspension and mystery of certain things).
> 
> This is set a few years before the start of A Bloody Mess, namely, during late 2015 or early 2016, before Chan graduated from high school.
> 
> The title is from "Fire up the night" by New Medicine and "Bring me back to life" by Ht Bristol, Charlie Bannister, Vincent Steele, and Nine One One.  
> Also part of the playlist for this is "Svag" by Victor Leksell, "Physical" by Hwasa and Dua lipa, "Old me" by 5 seconds of summer

The light swam in and out of his vision, his surroundings tilting back and forth.

"Hey-"

The voice cut off, and the darkness came back.

"-Chan-ah!"

They were walking back from having gone out to a restaurant to treat themselves when it happened. At the time, laughter and loud chatter had filled the air around them, and they occasionally received an odd or annoyed stare from people passing by them.

His nose filled with a coppery smell, nausea blooming behind it. There were flashes of light again, before darkness swallowed in over him.

"-no, you-"

Sure, Hyunwoo had told them that they should have stayed in the dorm, that they shouldn't have gone out. That they should listen to the warnings of a serial killer vampire on the loose in the area. But they'd had so much fun, they hadn't been bothered by anyone on their way there, or at the restaurant, or their way back home. Or, that was, until they were maybe a 10 minute walk from the dorm. They had taken a shortcut through an alley because it was running late and the chilly night air had crept inside their thin jackets. Chan had protested the idea for just a moment before a shiver had run through his body.

He blinked his eyes against the heavy, sluggish feeling in his eyelids, wishing that he'd protested more, that they hadn't taken the shortcut.

He blinked again against the dark spots dancing across his vision, saw a shadow of a person next to him one second, and the slumped over body of one of his friends the next second.

He remembered one of them managing to escape.

He hoped he'd been able to call for help, before his weak grip on consciousness slipped again.

The alley was long and narrow, and they were maybe only halfway through it when the shadow of a person stepped out behind them. They didn't really see the person at first, only felt the chills emanating from behind, and how seemingly all sounds had floated away in the presence of this person.

After that everything happened too quickly.

He found himself suddenly staring at a figure bent over a body. His view was skewed, and it took him a moment to realise that he was laying on the ground. He felt floaty and weak, but when he screwed his eyes shut next it wasn't from how his stomach churned or his vision swam, but against the image of the figure snapping the neck of the body on the ground. The body of his friend.

There were the four of them, against the one person. Somehow, that didn't matter.

Chan could only remember Sooyoung running away, as his own body tilted to the side.

"-happened he-"

"We need t-"

Chan couldn't hear more than snippets of the voices, slipping in and out of consciousness.

He floated for a while. As if in that milky white substance often seen in movies, flitting back and forth from a head filled with cotton to a splitting headache. Occasionally he slipped up to the surface, hearing faint sounds from the other end of a tunnel, and feeling soft leather against his wrist.

Then he would slip away again, and all of that would be forgotten.

When Chan finally properly awoke, he did it slowly. The steady beeping came to him first, followed by the leather around his wrist. At first he couldn't feel more of his body, but slowly it came to him.

He groaned, wishing for a moment to slip away again to escape the burning in his chest and abdomen.

Something moved to his right. He sensed it before he heard it, before he felt the hand caressing the ridge of his hand.

"Chan-ah." The voice was soft and familiar, reminding him of the crackling of a fire during a late night on the beach, grilling marshmallows and laughing together.

"Hey, can you hear me?"

Chan only managed a faint, gurgling sound before his throat closed up.

"No, you don't need to talk!" the voice hurried to assure him. "Just rest."

His lips moved around her name, managing only the shape of  _ Jimin _ . He tried to open his eyes to see her, but his eyelids refused, as if glued shut.

"You can go back to sleep, I'll be here."

He tried to hum to show her his appreachiation, but he might have slipped back under before he managed.

"How is he doing?" That voice was new. Deeper, but still as familiar.

"I'm not sure," Jimin's voice joined in. "He's going in and out of consciousness, and the doctors won't tell me anything."

Chan tried to blink his eyes open, but succeeded only in catching quick flashes of the room and two figures standing by his side, before he fell back into exhaustion.

When he found himself awake the next time his eyes were already open. He blinked a few times to clear away the fog and focus in on his surroundings.

The room was dark, and even though he tipped his head to the side to take it all in he couldn't find anyone else. He was alone.

He tensed, dragging a groan out of his throat from how his muscles protested the action. Jimin said she wouldn't leave.

He sighed, and reached his hand up to drag over his face. Or, he would have, if his hand hadn't been stopped after only a few centimeters. Panic welled up in his chest, his breath coming up short and making his head swim in dizziness. He tried to jerk his hands free, but managed only to make them flop on the covers, his arms too weak to do more.

He sagged back into the bed, taking a deep breath to try to calm him down. The monitor beside him beeped insistently.

His eyes raked over the dark room again. Right. It was probably night, and Jimin wasn't allowed to stay.

The door to the room opened, and Chan forced himself to stay awake, to see who it was. The light coming through momentarily blinded him, and when he had blinked away all the bright spots the door was closed, and the nurse had turned on a small lamp by his bedside.

She poked around on the monitors by his side, and said, without looking at him, "You have to try to calm down, or we will have to put you back under."

Chan jerked his arms to indicate the leather his wrists were bound in, and managed a raspy, "Why?"

She glanced over at him. "Those are for your own safety, do not try to remove them."

He didn't understand, couldn't understand why. When he was unsuccessful to quench the panic building in his chest, the nurse injected something into his IV, and he slipped back under the surface.

Two people conversing woke him up the next time. It felt way more pleasant than previous times, and he almost could have fooled himself that he was back at home in the dorm if not for the constant beeping by his side.

He managed to open his eyes without any trouble, and only had a brief moment of panic when his gaze fell on the leather binding his hands to the bed.

"Channie, you're awake!" someone suddenly exclaimed, and Jimin was by his side a moment later. "How are you feeling?"

Chan took a moment to get a feel for his body. "Better than before, but I still feel sore like I've been run over by a truck." His voice was raspy, breaking at a few points, but he managed to say it all without losing his voice. Jimin held up a glass of water to his mouth that he drank gratefully.

"That's understandable," came the voice from before, and Jae stepped into view. "I'm glad you're better now at least."

"I just wish they'd let me out of these," Chan said, and tugged at the leather. "Did they tell you what they were for?"

Jimin shook her head after a moment. "Only that it was for your safety."

Chan slumped his head back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. "That's what the nurse said, too." A thought occurred to him and Chan asked, "How are the others doing?"

"I've only talked briefly with Hyunwoo-ssi," Jae replied. "Sooyoung-ssi went home to his family after the police had finished talking to him about the attack, and Hyunwoo-ssi has been staying with some friends."

Chan noticed how Jae looked away from him and didn't mention Jihoon or Minjae. It caused dread to pool in the pit of his stomach, but he had to ask.

"What happened to Jihoon-hyung and Minjae-ya?"

Jae exchanged a glance with Jimin, who shrugged slightly. "Last I heard from Hyunwoo-ssi they were still in the ER." There was something not being said in there, but Chan couldn't seem to figure out what it was.

Jimin put a hand on his arm. "Focus on your own recovery for now. We can't stay too long because we're not family, but I'll try to be here as much as I can."

Chan heard the words being left unsaid. "You have to leave soon, don't you?"

Jimin nodded, and squeezed his arm. "I'm sorry."

Jae stepped up to his other side, and gave him a flash of a smile. "I have to go back to the dorm. We've… we've talked to our managers, and they talked with the higher ups that agreed to let us have you stay at our dorm for a while. While you're still recovering after being discharged."

"Oh," Chan breathed out. "That's … I could probably just stay at my dorm."

"If they release you soon you'd be alone, though," Jimin protested, and suddenly it felt like the two of them were trying to convince him knowing more facts than they wanted to tell him.

"I'm fine on my own," Chan protested, "I've survived on my own before, haven't I?"

Jimin and Jae exchanged a look, but didn't try to argue further.

"Just think about it, yeah? We don't want you to have to be alone."

After they had left he was alone for a while, before a nurse came to check on him. She seemed surprised that he was awake, but wouldn't answer further than that a doctor would come to see him soon when he tried to ask her questions.

She left, and he was alone again. Left alone to stare at the walls and ceiling, trying to not go crazy. He felt wired up, unable to stay still. His feet moved to a beat he couldn't hear, and his hands wanted free of their prison, but he  _ couldn't move _ . He'd already slept too much, so there was no way he could go back to sleep. Being landed in the hospital after an attack from a serial killer wouldn't miraculously cure his insomnia.

What felt like an eternity later, but might just have been an hour or two, two doctors came into the room and introduced themselves.

"Dr. Kang, I have been in charge of your recovery." She didn't make a move to come closer to his bed, instead holding onto her clipboard.

The man who had come in with her stepped forward and said, "Consultant Yang, certified blood witch. I have been assisting with overseeing your … recovery."

His pause before recovery seemed suspicious, but Chan decided not to comment on it. Instead, another question seemed more pressing. "What is a blood witch?"

The two of them exchanged a look, but ultimately Yang turned to answer the question. "It is mandatory that a blood witch is consulted in any cases involving vampires. For your case, I am here to make sure that you stabilise without any complications."

Oh. Simply because he had been attacked by a vampire? Because that must have been what happened, right? To be completely honest, Chan had never known much about the supernatural side of the world. His school in Australia had only provided a few classes, and he'd never felt the need to learn more, since his family had no connections to the supernatural. The supernatural side in Korea was certainly more present — some of his friends even being supernatural creatures of their own — but that had been all, and Chan hadn't learnt any more since he'd arrived. And so now he felt like he was missing something.

Dr. Kang looked up from her clipboard. "The cuffs have to stay until we are sure you have stabilised. I'm sure they're not comfortable, but we need to ensure everyone's safety."

What? "Against what?"

Dr. Kang furrowed her brows. "Against yourself, for now. Until we are sure you have your instincts under control and will not be under risk of attacking anyone."

Yang had tilted his head to the side at some point, and glanced towards Dr. Kang when Chan looked over at him. "Have you … not been briefed on the situation?"

Chan shook his head.

"You have been turned into a vampire."

Chan was sure he must have blacked out for a moment. He blinked to try to dispel the static playing in his ear, sure that he must have misheard. A vampire? That couldn't be right.

Yang and Dr. Kang looked completely serious, though, watching him expectantly.

"How- how could that happen?"

"That is not information we can disclose," Dr. Kang said, the dismissal clear in her tone. "You've been given blood through an IV, but we'll be removing it now. Please keep your instincts under wrap, and we should be able to ease up the cuffs."

Chan found himself nodding, wishing with all his might that he could just be back at home, with his friends, watching tv or having dinner. That the attack hadn’t happened.

He leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes as Dr. Kang set to removing the IV. Dr. Kang and Yang left some short time later, and Chan allowed himself to slowly let out a breath he'd been holding on for too long. He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling and blinking his eyes to dispel the dizziness suddenly welling up.

Over the time that then passed the dizziness came and went, leaving him for some long stretches of time, just to come barreling straight back into him. He felt hunger, a weird aching in his throat that only got worse with time. He hated it.

At least it was easy enough to ignore the feeling clawing at his chest, that he guessed was what Dr. Kang meant with his instincts. He’d had his fair chair of ignoring or suppressing things, so it wasn’t really anything new.

Eventually, a nurse came to check on him. He checked the machines around Chan before asking him about how he was feeling, and then fastened the leather around his wrists to longer chains, allowing Chan some movement (but apparently he wasn’t deemed enough in control of his instincts).

At least he was given his phone, and after some time spent just blankly staring at it, he decided to call Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo picked up after a few moments, but for the first few seconds Chan could only hear heavy breathing on the other side of the line.

"You're awake," Hyunwoo breathed out, completely forgoing any greeting. "How are you feeling?"

Chan took a moment to think about it before replying. "Better than before. Sore."

"That's good, that's good."

He sounded like he was talking to himself, so Chan gave him a moment before saying his question, "Have you heard any more about Jihoon-hyung and Minjae-ya? Jae-hyung said the last he heard from you they were still in the er."

The other side of the line was suspiciously quiet for some long, drawn-out moments.

"I didn't exactly tell him that," Hyunwoo eventually said. "Jihoon-hyung is no longer in the er, and…" Chan felt his heart stop when Hyunwoo paused. "Minjae-ya never made it there. He … he died in the alley."

Sudden memories flashed back to him. "His neck was snapped."

Something rustled over the line, and when Hyunwoo said a choked up, "yes," Chan realised he'd nodded.

"But then," Chan began, deciding to switch from the somber feeling settling over the conversation, "if Jihoon-hyung is no longer in the er, he must be getting better, right?"

Chan's heart stopped again when he realised what Hyunwoo's silence meant. "He died too, didn't he?"

"Yes," Hyunwoo choked out, sounding close to tears. “I told Jaehyung-ssi this when I spoke to him, but I guess…" He took a deep breath and said, "I'm so glad you're okay."

When silence once again settled over them Chan felt guilty. He was okay, in a sense — he was still alive, and wasn't currently in immediate danger. But then on the other hand, how okay was he really, having been turned into a vampire?

He swallowed, and told Hyunwoo, "I was turned into a vampire."

He couldn't tell what Hyunwoo was thinking with the silence that followed, and a gnawing feeling settled somewhere deep in his chest.

The line went silent, and then beeped to signal that the call had ended.

Chan spent the following hours with a sinking feeling in his gut that only grew bigger the longer time went and he didn’t hear anything from Hyunwoo. A nurse came to remove the chains and the leather around his wrists, but he barely noticed, lost inside his head.

He was forced into awareness when Younghyun came, setting a stack of papers on top of Chan’s legs.

“Time to leave.”

Chan looked up at him, feeling his forehead crease in confusion. “What?”

Younghyun sighed. “You’re being discharged. You’ll have to stop by the reception desk to sign some papers, but aside from that they told me you’re free to go.”

Chan found it odd that they had told Younghyun that much despite them not being family, but the nurses must have caught on to the fact that Chan didn’t have any family who could come.

When Chan said nothing, Younghyun settled his hand down on Chan’s ankle and said, “You’ll get a set of blood bags to get you started, as well. To make sure you won’t do anything stupid out of hunger.”

Chan’s eyes widened, not having realised that Younghyun would know Chan was a vampire now. He seemed strangely calm about the knowledge, but then again, between him, Chan, Jimin and Jaehyung (as well as the rest of Younghyun and Jaehyung’s little group), only Younghyun was part of the supernatural world, so he would be used to it, wouldn’t he?

Younghyun sighed again, but this time with a sad little smile, as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to Chan’s legs. “It’s not your fault you were turned into a vampire, and you shouldn’t make such a big deal out of your friends knowing.” The look he gave Chan told him he knew what Chan was like. “The only ones who matter are your friends and family, and if they mind they aren’t truly your friends. You will have to tell them eventually — if you hide it it will only be worse.”

Chan closed his eyes and sank back into the pillow with a sigh. “I know.”

After getting everything sorted out at the hospital, Younghyun dropped Chan off at his dorm. He had to argue with Younghyun for him not to go straight to his own dorm, determined to live up to what Jaehyung had talked about before.

“So you promise you will come over with your stuff soon?” Younghyun asked, for what felt like the fifth time, while leaning out of the car window.

“Yes,” Chan said, staring at his ear instead of his eyes. He had no intention of going over there, because he’d be fine on his own. At least if he pretended soon could be in several days he wasn’t completely lying, right?

He dropped his jacket down on the floor by his shoes, shucking the stack of papers on the table as he passed into the kitchen to put the blood away in the fridge. He’d been instructed that while the blood had been treated to keep it from coagulating, it should still be kept in the fridge to keep it from going bad.

When he was done he slumped down on the couch, and found himself staring at his phone. Should he call Hyunwoo back? Or was it better to just leave him be?

He startled so bad that he dropped his phone when it suddenly rang, Hyunwoo’s name flashing on the screen.

“Hello?” he said when he picked up, hesitant.

“Chan-ah.” Hyunwoo’s voice sounded relieved, to Chan’s confusion. “I’m so sorry I just hung up like that. My phone died, and I couldn’t find a charger for the longest time. Are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m fine,” Chan chuckled, trying to ignore how emotional his voice sounded. “It’s fine.”

“Are you still in the hospital? Jaehyung-ssi didn’t know when you would be discharged last I spoke with him.”

“No, I’m at home now, Younghyun-hyung just dropped me off.”

“Oh?” Hyunwoo sounded confused. “Did Jaehyung-ssi tell you that I was staying with some friends? He talked about you staying with them for some time.”

“Yeah, he did, and he told me that too.” He carefully left out how he had no intention of actually going to their dorm.

“That’s good,” Hyunwoo said, almost as if to himself. “We’ve been given some time off, and you don’t have to do any schoolwork until you’re feeling better. Or completely recovered, I guess.” Hyunwoo laughed, as if suddenly thinking of something. “Knowing you, you’ll probably just sit all day producing.”

Chan laughed awkwardly, feeling weirdly called out. “Well, if I have nothing else to do, why not?”

They ended up talking for some time longer before hanging up. The weird gnawing in his throat that he’d been able to ignore so far, suddenly made itself known, and Chan realised it was probably hunger.

He took one of the blood bags out of the fridge and stared at it, unsure how exactly he was supposed to drink the blood. Just the thought of blood made him stomach churn, but at this point he wasn’t sure if it was from disgust or hunger. After a few more moments he decided to take out a glass and pour the blood in. Removing the weird tap from the top made some of it spill out onto the counter, but he managed to get most of it into two glasses.

After taking a deep breath to steel himself, he picked up one of the glasses and took a sip. Involuntarily he pulled a grimace at the salty, coppery taste, unused to the feeling of the thick liquid sliding down his throat. It was unpleasant, but he also felt an urge to continue drinking, and before he knew it he had finished one of the glasses.

It was a quarter past two when the feeling started kicking in. He’d kept himself busy with working on producing songs after having almost thrown up the second glass of blood. He’d had to scrub hard to clean the counter and the glass, having forgotten them in his nausea, but eventually everything had been clean and he could go back to ignoring the fact that he was a blood drinking vampire now.

So it was a quarter past two in the middle of the night, and Chan hadn’t slept a wink when the feeling of jitter in his bone crept up on him. There was a headache building behind his temples, and he was suddenly not so sure the nausea from before was because of the blood.

Pushing the computer away Chan fell onto his side on the couch, curling up around one of the pillows thrown in the corner of the couch. He had reminders all around the dorm, and his roommates all knew about it, but there weren’t any records for the hospital of his medication, was there? And he’d never told neither Jimin nor Jaehyung before, some deep, primal part of him feeling shame at the prospect of his friends knowing he had to take anti-depressants.

After a few moments he pushed himself up off the couch and stumbled over to the bathroom, feeling exhaustion weighing down on him. Jihoon would have to help him remember to take them again when he came back-

Chan stumbled into the doorframe, clutching it tight, when he realised that neither Jihoon or Minjae would ever come back home. They were dead, both of them — just like Chan, too, had been  _ so _ closed to being.

He shook his head forcefully (as if he could expel the thoughts from his head like that), and went back to the couch, picked his computer back up again, and went back to his work. He couldn’t think about it if he was distracting himself with other things.

His eyes were dry and itchy by the time he heard the knock on the front door. He startled out of his focus, only then realising that the sun had risen some time ago. He hurried to save his work and closed his computer, so he could at least pretend like he hadn’t stayed up the whole night. He didn’t have any doubt that it was anyone but Jaehyung or Younghyun, there to drag him back to their dorm. Possibly, it could be someone else from their group, if they really wanted to guilt trip him. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked over to the door, hoping he didn’t look too bad.

Just barely he managed to suppress a sigh when he opened the door and found out just how right he’d been. Dowoon and Sungjin were standing there, both with a slight worried pull to their face.

“Hi,” Chan greeted, pulling the door wide open for them to step in.

“Wonpil-ah wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’d just been too tired yesterday,” Sungjin said as he stepped in, his eyes carefully looking Chan up and down. “We weren’t quite so sure. Rightly so, it seems.”

“I’m here to actually convince you to come with us,” Dowoon said, his voice low and safe. Calm.

“Do you have any idea how much Jae-hyung freaked out when Younghyun-ah explained the situation to us,” Sungjin continued, “and he realised that you hadn’t told him anything about becoming a vampire? He wanted to storm over here at like eleven yesterday, but Wonpil-ah convinced him not to.”

“I told Jae-hyung that I’d be fine here on my own,” Chan muttered, knowing the battle was already lost.

Sungjin ignored him, and strode further into the dorm. “Pack some of your things and we’ll take you back now.” When his eyes landed on the computer on the couch he turned to Chan with pinched eyebrows. “You stayed up all night, didn’t you?”

Chan looked away from Dowoon, feeling guilty eating at him just from looking at him. Dowoon had always managed to do that to him, and surely they were aware of that, since he’d come along.

In a low voice, as if to keep Sungjin from hearing, Dowoon said, “Sungjin-hyung left practise to come here, so you should hurry to pack your things.”

Chan gulped, but didn’t protest. The last thing he wanted was to get them in trouble with their managers and company.

Sungjin and Dowoon dropped him off at their dorm, leaving him with a key to get inside, before they drove off, Sungjin by then looking slightly stressed. Chan felt bad that he’d been the cause of it, but by then there had been nothing he could do to fix or change anything.

He dropped his back by the front door, not sure yet where to leave it, and dropped down onto their couch. He felt a slight gnawing in his gut, that in any other situation could have been hunger. With a pang he realised how much he missed food — sweet and savoury and spicy and good food. Before Chan was discharged Yang had told him that he couldn’t eat normal food, that it would make him throw it back up.

But if he couldn’t have food, then who was he really? What was left of him?

Chan groaned and slammed his head back against the backrest. There wasn’t any use thinking like that, but what was he supposed to do? He felt  _ bad _ , like he hadn’t in a long time, and it was all because of that damned vampire that had attacked them.

With another sigh Chan realised that he’d forgotten to pack the anti-depressants, as well as his blood bags. But then again, at this point, did it really matter? He’d been off them for too long, and just the thought of blood made him quesy. The last thing he had ever wanted in his life was feeling sick at the thought of  _ food _ ! Because that’s what he should realise by now that blood was to him, food.

Chan was still slumped on the couch when the front door opened some hours later. During that time he’d just stared up at the ceiling, trying to not think about anything.

He turned his head to see Wonpil standing in the doorway, in the midst of taking off his shoes. “Hi, hyung.”

“Sungjin-hyung said he had to drag you out of your dorm,” Wonpil said and sat down besides Chan on the couch. “Jae-hyung was really disappointed yesterday when you never showed up.”

“Way to guilt trip me,” Chan sighed, knowing that in the end all blame was on him.

“We just don’t want you to have to be alone when you’re still getting used to things.”

Chan glanced over at Wonpil without turning his head, but he wasn’t looking at Chan. “I don’t want to be in your way. You’re busy now after your debut.”

Wonpil turned toward him. “You’re not in the way of us in any way. If anything it’s better that you’re here and we don’t have to worry as much about you. I know that you want to be strong and convince everyone that you’re fine on your own, but you really don’t need to.”

The conversation fell away into silence after that, but Chan didn’t mind. He needed some old familiarity to remind himself that he wasn’t completely lost now. He was just overwhelmed, feeling like he’d lost himself. It wasn’t real.

By the time the rest of Day6 came back home some time later, Wonpil had already left Chan on the couch to do something else. Chan hadn’t moved at all.

“ _ Look who finally got some sense into his head _ !” Chan almost choked from the feelings overwhelming him at the familiar English.

Jae slumped down next to him, throwing an arm around Chan’s shoulders. “Jiminnie pestered me earlier about how you were feeling because you were being stupid and not picking up her calls and I had to tell her to her face that you never actually came to our dorm. Do you have any idea how mad she was? Man, she’s scary.”

Chan hummed to let Jae know that he was listening, but didn’t say anything else. It felt like he had to let Jae ramble if he was going to get all worry off his chest. Once again guilt squeezed tight around his heart.

“And how could you not tell me you had been turned into a vampire? Younghyun-ah thought I already knew, do you have any idea what kind of shock that was to both of us? You have to tell me everything. You  _ can _ tell me anything.”

“I forgot to pack my anti-depressants and the blood bags,” Chan said, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Jae stilled next to him. “Chan-”

“It’s not a big deal,” Chan interrupted him. “It’s fine.”

“You need to at least go get them.”

“I will,” Chan said, not moving from the couch.

Jae stood up, and held out a hand for Chan to take. “C’mon, I’ll drive you.”

The drive over was quiet, as if Jae didn’t want to put Chan in an awkward position when they were both stuck in the car. Jae followed him up and inside the dorm, but waited in the hallway while Chan went to fetch his things.

“You do know that this is something you could have told me about, right?” Jae asked carefully while Chan was putting his shoes back on. “It’s not like I would have ever judged you for it.”

Chan paused, staring down at the floor. “I know. I guess I just never knew how or when to say anything. And it’s not a huge deal, I could probably stop them by now. They were more for anxiety than anything else.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea right now?” Jae asked, holding the door open for Chan to step outside. “Two of your friends just died and you’ve gone through a huge change in your life.”

“I never said I was going to stop them now,” Chan said, locking the door. “But… I haven’t taken any since before the attack, so I guess I already have stopped them.”

Jae frowned. “I’m pretty sure that it’s something you shouldn’t stop unless you talk to your doctor, though.”

Chan sighed as he sank down into the passenger seat. “They didn’t give me any at the hospital, so it’s not like it was my idea. And it’s too late by now, anyway.”

“I still feel like you should talk to your doctor about it,” Jae muttered, but let the subject go.

Chan felt bad stuffing his blood bags inside their fridge, but he didn’t really have a choice, and Younghyun didn’t let him do anything else.

“It’s your food now,” he said, “you need it as much as we need food.”

So while the rest of them had dinner that evening, Chan nursed his two glasses of blood, trying to get used to the taste and keep the queasiness at bay.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that I mentioned in my koala fic (that's what I guess I'll call _a koala joined the chat_ from now on) that I would post the next chapter of _A bloody mess_ and then this, but... Too much stuff happening and uni work, and I just have not had time to finish that chapter. I barely had time to finish this until today (which is the deadline for the challenge). I will try to get that chapter done as soon as possible, but I can absolutely not promise anything. ((I might have also been kinda busy because I binged all of The Untamed in a week...))
> 
> [tumblr](https://s-kiz.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/bangpeachchan) (that i barely use)


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